a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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