there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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