Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
