i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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