I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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