I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
