So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
