I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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