I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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