I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
