but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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