at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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