I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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