You smell like stripper and shame
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
