Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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