Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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