Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
