She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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