know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
