wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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