Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize