i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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