I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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