I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
