So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
