i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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