he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
