are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
