I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
