Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
