i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
