i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
