You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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