Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
