ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Found your dick twin last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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