Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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