At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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