he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize