We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am one with the molecules
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
