Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize