I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
