There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
