forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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