You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
