a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
