strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize