Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Come on in and take your pants off
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