i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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