dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
