This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
