I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
porn star boner night. come get it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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