She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
