and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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