I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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