It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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