Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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