Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
