Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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