Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
