reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
