Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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