NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
