You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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