I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
