Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
