I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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