I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
