"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
