I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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