so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When did angry sex become our thing?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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